Frustration with a Capital F!

I have gone through MANY moments of being frustrated with my body during my lifetime...usually for being fatter than I wished. However, while the same is still true right now, it is not my biggest frustration. My biggest frustration is that during the past month, my body has been generating just barely enough milk for Isabel to drink the next day at daycare. I have absolutely NO extra stores of breastmilk in the freezer. I try to pump some on the weekends, but I'm with her all the time, so it's hard to squeeze out any extra milk as well as to even find the time to pump. I'm still faithfully pumping three times a day at work, which is sometimes hard to do time-wise with my current case load (although I am able to type while pumping), but I know that if I don't pump 3 times, Isabel will have to drink formula instead. So I do it.

I really wanted to exclusively breastfeed her for a year. Well, adding in solids as recommended once we got to that point....but I just didn't want to supplement with formula since breastmilk is so much better nutritionally and health-wise. http://www.womenshealth.gov/breastfeeding/benefits/ Unfortunately, yesterday I was forced to buy formula (and dang, but it's expensive!!!! I bought a tiny little can for $16!) because Isabel is starting to need more than 5 oz a feeding, and I can barely provide that. I've said this a couple of times lately in my yoga mama's group, but I just feel like a failure for having to purchase and use formula. I can't help it, I just do. I know that I shouldn't....goodness knows my mama friends have told me that, but I still feel that way. Formula just doesn't compare to breastmilk, as evidenced by the site I referenced above. I sit there at work, completely overwhelmed with all the cases sitting on my desk, when all I want to do is stay home with Isabel. I wonder a lot whether if I were a stay-at-home mom, would my milk production be better? I assume so since it's the baby's suckling that really boosts milk production. I nurse her as much as I can when we are together, but I feel like I am away from her A LOT, too.

I also feel like I don't have enough time in the evenings to play with her. I haven't done tummy time in a few days because it simply hasn't fit in between cooking dinner, bathing & nursing Isabel, doing a few loads of laundry, and sleeping. I hope she's getting some tummy time at daycare...I already feel like a bad mommy for not doing the hour and a half PER DAY that Isa's pediatrician recommends. There just aren't enough hours in the day. I know I'm doing the best I can, but I have wanted to be a mommy for so long, and now that I am, I want to do the best job possible at it. I want my little girl to grow up healthy and strong, well-adjusted and happy. I hope I'm doing enough for her.