Pumping at work: my *favorite* new activity.

Warning. In this particular blog entry, I will discuss pumping, and the body parts involved. It is really not X-rated, but if my talking about my boobs makes you uncomfortable, you might want to skip this one.

I'm curious if the breast pump was invented by a man. (No offense, dad, if you're still reading by this point!) I understand its purpose, but it seems a little like a torture device.

However, I'm pretty sure that those fancy holsters to foster hands-free pumping were invented by a woman. Clever! Check it out:

Nice huh? Well I simply made my own and therefore saved myself $40! Let me give you instructions so that you can make your own holster for hands-free pumping at work (or wherever, really...!):
1) Find old bra (I find the racer-backs work the best) that you no longer care about.
2) Cut small hole where you suspect your nipple might be on each cup. This is harder than you might think....both cutting through the material of the bra (all the foamy stuff and layers) as well as measuring the nipple part just right. Try to make the holes uniform. If you make them too big, this will not work as well.
3) Put bra on over shirt with the boob part of the pump attachments inside the bra.
4) Hook everything else up. You'll figure it out.
5) Commence pumping.

It is important to note that if you are pumping hands-free using your handy-dandy homemade holster, you might become distracted by whatever you are doing that requires your hands. For me, it's either work (that's my official version!!) or other computer-related activities (read: blogging). I hooked myself up today after lunch and then hopped on the good ol' world wide web looking for articles to submit with my Venezuelan waiver packet. Next thing I knew, it was 40 minutes later and my nipples had been sucked out to almost the end of the pump attachment. Owww, ow, ow! It felt like someone was trying to twist them off! Also, I was no longer producing milk (drained myself dry!) and who knows how long that had been going on.

So, the moral of this story is that perhaps next time I should set a timer to remind myself to stop pumping after 20 minutes. Anyway, back to pumping at work.

I'm lucky that my office at work has a door since I'm attempting to pump three times during work hours. Not everyone here has one. Of course, my door doesn't have a lock. That would be too convenient. Someone suggested I just push a chair up under the door knob, but really. That's too much trouble. Besides, I just put up my lovely sign that I made: PUMPING IN PROGRESS. Please knock and WAIT to enter!! and so far, no one has burst in on me. Although I hear that I had a narrow escape my first week back. My coworker Vivi told me that my boss had his hand on the doorknob of my office, then looked at my sign, then looked at her, then back at the sign, then back at her (with a big question mark in his eyes, apparently), and then she could see the comprehension dawn on his face as he wheeled abruptly around and sped back down to his own office. Whew. Close call. He might've seen my home-made breast pump holster. And nipples. It does not bear contemplation.

Some days I feel like all I do at work is pump. I arrive in the morning, clock in, get my morning Dr. Pepper (since I can't drink coffee these days.....I'm avoiding dairy because it gives my munchkin tummy problems, and what's the point of drinking coffee if I can't put the yummy flavored creamer in it??!! I much prefer a little coffee with my flavored creamer.), and then hook myself up to the pump. 30-40 minutes later, when I finally realize that I should've stopped pumping 15 to 20 minutes ago, I detach myself, pour the milk into one of those handy Lansinoh breast milk storage bags, label it, and take all the pump parts to the kitchen to be washed. By the time I get back to work, it's nearly time for lunch. After lunch, I do it all over again. By the time I finish my after-lunch pumping, it's time for my mid-afternoon snack (if I didn't already snack through my after-lunch pumping). After my snack it's time to pump again. After the third pumping of the day, I wash my pump parts again and then scoot to close out all my programs on my computer in order to get outta here by (or before) 5:00! Long gone are the days that I worked more than 8 hours a day (or overtime). I'm curious whether my boobs will make it intact through this rigorous pumping schedule, but it's all done for the sake of my daughter, so that she doesn't have to drink that yucky formula. Onward & upward with the pumping! Yippee.